SO mad right now at my therapist. . . . I dont FEEL
supported. I feel alone and vulnerable. . . . How can a person
be expected to share . . . when it seems as if all . . .
has been trivialized? Maybe not so much trivialized as ignored or not responded
to at all. . . . I really do feel like an
infant. . . . When I would need a hug, I bet I wouldnt
get that. If I needed a friend, I wouldnt get that. If I needed someone
to actually care for me, I wouldnt get that either. . . .
I want my therapist to tell me what things mean because it is so hard for
me to see them.
So why in the world does the psychotherapist not give hugs,
not be a friend, not reveal personal feelings,
not give explicit direction? Well, its not to be mean; instead, its
to bring out deep
Its to help you realize that youre desperate to get a hug, desperate
for a friend, desperate to know personal feelings, and desperate for explicit
And why would you be so
desperate? Well, most likely, if you had grown up with healthy, ordinary family experiences
you would have experienced all of these thingshugs, friendship, personal feelings,
guidance and directionin your own family.
So I can surmise that your
desperation reveals that you didnt get these things in your family. I
really do feel like an infant. Maybe your mother and father failed you even when
you were an infant. I dont FEEL supported. I feel alone and vulnerable.
Maybe your father was somehow lacking, perhaps an alcoholic so lost in his alcohol that he
couldnt support you. How can a person be expected to share . . . when
it seems as if all . . . has been trivialized? Maybe not so much trivialized as
ignored or not responded to at all. Well, how can you be expected to have learned
how to share anything with anyone when your own family ignored you because everyone was too
preoccupied with hiding their own psychological failures to respond to you?
my therapist to tell me what things mean because it is so hard for me to
see them. Thats what you wanted from your father, for example,
isnt it? Theres a lot of pain and tears in that sentence. But
the fact is, a psychotherapist cant just tell you anything.
Psychotherapy is not an intellectual process. You have to feel the pain. You
have to feel it deep and raw right in your heart. You couldnt feel
it with your family, so, if its going to be real and emotional, you
have to feel it with your psychotherapist. Thats why psychotherapy
involves more than just talking about the details and facts; you must
experience the facts. You must enter into the process. You can hide details,
but you cant hide process. Like it or not, process leaks out through all
Furthermore, when you
recognize that truth about your family, and feel it in your heartnot
to blame anyone, but to be emotionally
honest so that
you can eventually
everyonethen you will stop blaming yourself.
In the mean time,
go ahead and blame your psychotherapistand, of course, speak about all
this in the psychotherapy itself so your psychotherapist can help you recognize
and understand the deep emotional hurt behind
the anger. Then, when
the anger has been resolved, you will able to live
honestly, without blaming anyone.
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