A Guide to Psychology and its Practice -- welcome to 
                     the «Questions and Answers» page. Click on the image to go to a general Introduction 
                     with a complete Subject Index to this entire website.

Questions
and Answers
About Psychotherapy

 

Website Menus

Page Contents: When your psychotherapy brings out feelings of infantile vulnerability.                    

 

I am SO mad right now at my therapist. . . . I don’t FEEL supported. I feel alone and vulnerable. . . . How can a person be expected to share . . . when it seems as if all . . . has been trivialized? Maybe not so much trivialized as ignored or not responded to at all. . . . I really do feel like an infant. . . . When I would need a hug, I bet I wouldn’t get that. If I needed a friend, I wouldn’t get that. If I needed someone to actually care for me, I wouldn’t get that either. . . . I want my therapist to tell me what things mean because it is so hard for me to see them.

 

So why in the world does the psychotherapist not give hugs, not be a friend, not reveal personal feelings, not give explicit direction? Well, it’s not to be mean; instead, it’s to bring out deep unconscious meaning. It’s to help you realize that you’re desperate to get a hug, desperate for a friend, desperate to know personal feelings, and desperate for explicit direction.

And why would you be so desperate? Well, most likely, if you had grown up with healthy, ordinary family experiences you would have experienced all of these things—hugs, friendship, personal feelings, guidance and direction—in your own family.

So I can surmise that your desperation reveals that you didn’t get these things in your family. “I really do feel like an infant.” Maybe your mother and father failed you even when you were an infant. “I don’t FEEL supported. I feel alone and vulnerable.” Maybe your father was somehow lacking, perhaps an alcoholic so lost in his alcohol that he couldn’t support you. “How can a person be expected to share . . . when it seems as if all . . . has been trivialized? Maybe not so much trivialized as ignored or not responded to at all.” Well, how can you be expected to have learned how to share anything with anyone when your own family ignored you because everyone was too preoccupied with hiding their own psychological failures to respond to you?

“I want my therapist to tell me what things mean because it is so hard for me to see them.” That’s what you wanted from your father, for example, isn’t it? There’s a lot of pain and tears in that sentence. But the fact is, a psychotherapist can’t just “tell” you anything. Psychotherapy is not an intellectual process. You have to feel the pain. You have to feel it deep and raw right in your heart. You couldn’t feel it with your family, so, if it’s going to be real and emotional, you have to feel it with your psychotherapist. That’s why psychotherapy involves more than just talking about the details and facts; you must experience the facts. You must enter into the process. You can hide details, but you can’t hide process. Like it or not, process leaks out through all your pores.

Furthermore, when you recognize that truth about your family, and feel it in your heart—not to blame anyone, but to be emotionally honest so that you can eventually forgive everyone—then you will stop blaming yourself.

In the mean time, go ahead and blame your psychotherapist—and, of course, speak about all this in the psychotherapy itself so your psychotherapist can help you recognize and understand the deep emotional hurt behind the anger. Then, when the anger has been resolved, you will able to live honestly, without blaming anyone.

 


 Back to the list of questions

 


No advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .

If this website has helped you, then
please help support this website



FOR THE SAKE OF TRUTH this website about the practice of Clinical Psychology does not accept any advertising.

Therefore, if my work has been informative and helpful to you, please send a donation in appreciation, even if it’s only a few dollars, to help offset my costs in making this website available to everyone without advertising.

 
Gratitude is joy to the heart!

 


Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D.
San Francisco
 
Credentials
 
Contact Me


 

 


 

A Guide to Psychology and its Practice

www.GuideToPsychology.com

 

Copyright © 1997-2017 Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. All rights reserved.
San Francisco

 

All material on this website is copyrighted. You may copy or print selections for your private, personal use only.
Any other reproduction or distribution without my permission is prohibited.

 

 
Donate

No advertising and no sponsor—just the simple truth.