After
nearly seven years of four times a week psychoanalysis I feel I’ve come
to the end of this phase of my analytic work. I’ve learned so much about
myself and discovered pieces and parts of myself that I’d alienated
or isolated or just plain tried to forget about. I wasn’t expecting
the end of analysis to be so painful. I’m going to miss my analyst.
It seems sort of unnatural to end a relationship when there’s nothing
wrong. On the contrary, ending now is happening because the work was a success.
The mourning of the end of the work was something I didn’t expect.
I’ve been able to find a lot of information about other analytic stages
like working through and building the psychoanalytic alliance, but the emotions
for the end of analysis for the analysand have not been forthcoming. Is this
just because it’s different for everyone? I just find myself feeling
lonely and sad and worried.
Your question serves as a sort of dénoeument to
a previous question about the fear of ending
treatment. That question was raised after some initial goals had been
accomplished, but before the
transference itself
had been analyzed. In your case, you have done most of the analytic work,
and you now face the sadness of its ending.
When you say,
“The mourning of the end of the work was something I didn’t
expect,” you indicate that something was missed in the treatment. That
points to a failure in the treatment itself. Nevertheless, this unexpected
encounter can
teach you something, and, if you accept the lesson gracefully, you can still
remedy on your own that final mistake of your treatment.
The point is
this: with any ending, feelings of sadness about the loss are to be
expected, and with any beginning, feelings of worry about the
unknown are to
be expected. Your task now is to accept openly and
honestly your
feeling “lonely and sad and worried” and, without being held back
by those feelings, to face the future—the beginning of the rest of your
life—with courage and hope. Cling to what you have learned, not to memories
of what you have lost, and move forward with confidence.
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