I have
been seeing a psychotherapist for about 3 years at great expense, as I am
not covered by any insurance. I have always found it very difficult to pay
but always pay eventually. I find it worthwhile to continue but I am unhappy
about the expense, especially as I have to decide whether to spend money
on psychotherapy or live without a flatmate (I really want to live alone
but cannot afford to). My friends have told me that I am wasting my money.
This morning my therapist asked me to think about why I am always late in
payments, and I feel she is suggesting I am not committed to the psychotherapy.
She also indicated she let it slide more than she would normally (3 months
late) and was going to think about why this happened on her part but also
I was to go away and think about this. I guess I am wondering how do I decide
when psychotherapy should be over, and how do I find out whether perhaps
she is trying to get rid of me as a patient, and if it is normal to sometimes
resent the expense of psychotherapy. (For your info, the issues that brought
me into psychotherapy were extremely low self esteem which resulted in poor
job skills and unemployment, which have now been mended to the extent that
I am working part-time but still to find permanent work in that field. So
there is every reason to believe that finances will improve in
future).
In order to derive any tangible benefit from psychotherapy,
it’s important to consider it to be an investment in your future. The improvements
in your life will justify the expense of the psychotherapy—but if you
don’t put an
honest effort
into the work, you will be wasting your money, and therefore you will
resent the cost.
Imagine, for
example, that you were a student in college and that your parents were paying
all your expenses. It would be quite tempting to slack off on your studies
and to spend your time having fun and partying, wouldn’t it? Now imagine
that you were paying for everything yourself by working in the evenings so
that you could attend classes during the day. You would most likely take
your studies very seriously, wouldn’t you? Thus the closer you feel
to the cost of school, the more you will value it. In fact, this points to a basic
psychological principle: Things too easily obtained are too little
esteemed.
And so, just
as you, in the second example, would know deep in your heart that the cost
of school was well worth it, because it would help you get a good job in
your chosen career, so you, in your present circumstances, can understand
that the cost of psychotherapy is well worth it because it can help you improve
your life.
Of course, this
does place a heavy burden on you—and I don’t mean just a financial
burden. You have to work at your psychotherapy so that it leads to real
behavioral changes. Psychological insight alone isn’t sufficient; the
whole purpose for all that insight is to use it to change your
behavior.
Yes, it’s
true that in the initial stages of psychotherapy you will be exploring your
thoughts, and feelings, and
dreams, and memories
of your past, and during that time not many concrete changes will occur in
your life. But as the awareness of your mental process grows, you will often
be faced with some very significant—and often
painful—encounters
that will call you into new behavior. You will find that old
psychological defenses
just don’t work any more in any productive sense.
Now, from what
you say, you seem to have done some good work so far. But that’s not
enough, and that’s why your psychotherapist is telling you that you
may not be committed to the work. If you’re missing payments, that suggests
that you unconsciously
resent paying, and there can be only one reason for that resentment:
fear. Fear of moving
forward, fear of facing and
purifying yourself
of all the ugliness
deep in your psyche that has caused you to doubt yourself all these years,
and fear of encountering others with
honesty and
directness. When you want to change as much as you want to breathe, you will
change. And you will feel quite comfortable paying for it all.
When you have
faced all these fears and have understood the basic concept of honest
interactions with others, then the psychotherapy can be
terminated.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
 |
|
|
|
If
this website has helped you, then