a wonderful relationship with my father, but I am still extremely attracted
(sexually and emotionally) to my older male psychotherapist. I have tried
to speak about my attraction to him on several different occasions, but we
never discuss the deeper meaning of it, other than him just saying he feels
really flattered that I feel this way about him and says I am attractive,
beautiful, etc. Last week after our session he gave me a really intimate
hug. I dont understand what is going on. Is he being inappropriate
with me? What could be a different reason for why I am attracted to him (instead
of it being a father-figure based attraction), and does it sound like he
could be attracted to me?
There might be more to your
with your father than you think.
Look at what
has happened. First you chose a psychotherapist to whom you now feel an
erotic attraction. Then he flaunts
his attraction to you. And he takes your attraction to him personally, instead
of treating it
The French have
a term for this. Folie à deux. In translation it loses its
charm, but it means something like a craziness of
In other words,
you and your psychotherapist are acting
out the unconscious dynamics of your relationship with your
Most likely there is considerable unconscious anger
at your father, perhaps because he was passive while your mother was mean
and critical; you would have bonded with your father to compensate for the
lack of your mothers affection, yet at the same time you would have
resented your father for not protecting you from your mothers fury.
Thats just a guess, and the truth could be anything, but the point
is that things arent always what you think they are on the
understandable that you would seek psychotherapy to help you recognize and
resolve those unconscious dynamics. But if all you do is
act them out in the treatment, you merely perpetuate
them. And that, sadly, is not psychotherapy.
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