Do psychotherapists
end services with hints or do they give you a clear ending to therapy? my
husband and i are in therapy together and our therapist says i can call anytime
but in my husbands last session he told him that he thinks i should see someone
else because it was causing conflict in my husbands therapy. i think this
[expletive deleted] because he said he could do this when i asked
him and i asked him please dont let me talk if you cant because it would
be very hard for me to do this. i was sexually abused and i dont like to
talk about it. he knows this and now i feel like ive been used
again.
Sometimes, when a husband and wife are being seen in marriage
counseling, the counselor may occasionally arrange to see one or both individuals
in individual sessions. Usually, to avoid clinical disaster, these individual
sessions are conducted under the rule that there will be no secrets, and
that anything spoken in the individual sessions must be brought into the
joint counseling. If either person has the sort of psychological problems
that would warrant individual psychotherapy under strictly
confidential
conditions, the individual(s) should be referred to a separate psychotherapist,
someone who has no connection to the marriage counseling.
Now, from what
you say, it’s difficult to determine just what exactly is going on with
you, your husband, and the “therapist.” Are you in marriage counseling
“together” with your husband, and are you both seeing the same
psychotherapist for individual sessions as well? Or are you simply two
individuals who happen to be seeing the same psychotherapist for individual
psychotherapy? Or perhaps your husband is the one in psychotherapy, and his
psychotherapist has allowed you to come into one of your husband’s sessions
once in a while to supplement your husband’s psychotherapy? Without
knowing the actual circumstances here, it’s impossible to comment on
why the “therapist” told your husband, instead of telling you directly,
that you need to see “someone else.”
All of the confusion
within your question, however, does give some insight into your own psychological
symptoms. Saying essentially that “I don’t understand what’s
happening, and I don’t like it, and I’m angry about it” is
the hallmark of being
a victim. After all, if you knew what the problem was and if you were capable
of doing something about it, you wouldn’t be feeling victimized—and
you wouldn’t need
psychotherapy.
Therefore, in your
case, your not being able to see things clearly is a symptom of your
not talking about your inner experiences. Your feelings about the sexual
abuse are “leaking out” through your behavior in everything you
do whether you like it or not. Therefore, the very fact that you are so confused
about your “therapy” tells you quite clearly that you might benefit
from real psychotherapy with someone who can treat you with directness and
honesty.
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