like to terminate my relationship with my psychotherapist of three years.
I havent been to see him in three months; it was always our arrangement
that I would see him when I wanted and there were never regularly scheduled
Our relationship was a very intense transference relationship
as he put it but suddenly I just feel OK without him (no fondness, no attachment,
no anger). Im wondering if I should give him the courtesy of telling
him or if I should just leave things be. That way I wouldnt be burning
my bridge in the event that I may require his help further on down the road.
I also wonder if the transference is really over. How does one
Usually, psychotherapy is structured around regularly scheduled
visits, most often once per week. Consequently, its only in this context of
regular visits that
any meaning, because its the regularity of the visits that is being terminated.
Your treatment, however, has been conducted on an as-needed
basis, and so there really is nothing to terminate. All you really need to do is
change your as-needed time frame; even never again still fits the
definition of as needed.
relationship is a polite way of describing extreme vacillations between
love and hate.
It signifies that a person depends primarily on the
Otherthat is, external recognitionto maintain a sense
of self. When the recognition is positive, then youre
intoxicated and you feel loved. When the recognition is negative, then your
whole sense of being collapses through
terror into a pit
of anger and
Now, if and when
you achieve such inner stability as to not require external validation from
others to feel worthwhile, and when you can give real love to others even
when you feel unlovedand even hatedby them, then all transference
you, however, that when you feel anything suddenly there is often
an unconscious cause
lurking in the background. In your case, the desire to terminate a relationship
that doesnt need to be terminated could be a veiled desire for
revengeand that would mean the transference, far from being over, is
really alive and thriving.
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