I have
been seeing a psychotherapist on a weekly basis for the last year. Chief
issues are trust (especially in personal relationships), inadequacy, fear of the
future, being alone, and, of course, self-esteem. I have not noticed a positive
change in my thinking or handling of life’s problems, although I have managed
to get a temporary job since therapy began. In the last two weeks I have
noticed a worsening of symptoms: panic, mistrust of my partner, inability
to concentrate at work. I seem to be carrying my insecurity into all spheres
of my life and have even considered hospitalisation. My psychotherapist says that
she sees improvement not necessarily in the intensity but in the duration
of my moods; I however feel more immersed in them. I feel incapable of continuing
my present employment and relationship and even fear that I will not
“heal” if I do not end my relationship. My psychotherapist says that
this will not eliminate the actual problems. Is this a normal process/phase
within therapy?
The sad truth of what you are experiencing is that
“partners” are usually just sex partners who offer bodily pleasure, but
the pleasure is illusory and short lived and does nothing to heal the emotional
emptiness that afflicts many persons today. “Partners” often cause more
psychiatric problems—especially depression—than our culture is willing to
admit. As I say on the page
about Sexuality and
Love, we commonly seek out “love” relationships as a way to
hide our deepest wounds of insecurity and inadequacy. And our entire
culture—through advertising and entertainment—supports this illusion
with constant brainwashing into the belief that if you can only find the
right “partner” you will be happy ever after.
Therefore, going
into psychotherapy to heal problems with inadequacy, loneliness, and low
self-esteem, and all the while trying to keep a “partner,” is like
trying to carry water with a bucket that has holes in it.
So I would recommend
the opposite approach of your “therapist.” End the relationship
with your “partner,” so that you can stop hiding behind
illusions of romance and start turning your attention to being alone in the
treatment with the real problem: your
fear of being
alone.
I wouldn’t
be surprised if this simple resolution were to lead to more immediate relief than
the entire previous year of psychotherapy has provided you thus far.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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