I have this tense and anxious feeling and I just dont want to go to my
psychotherapist. I have mentioned it to her. Ive been with her for
nearly three years (one year privately), and had a very good relationship
with her but of late I tell myself perhaps even convince myself
that she is just doing a job, does not really care about me,
and from my obessional feeling for therapy and therapist Ive moved
to the other extreme and dont know why.
Ive come a long way but still have a long way to go and cant
imagine why Im feeling anxious, stressed about our meetings. Knowing
myself and my self destructive moods I feel I am capable of kicking out at
the whole world both bad and good (therapy being the good). I only manage
to bring these feelings at the last 5 mins. of our session.
never held back any information in the past but I find extremely difficult
to talk to my therapist that of late I feel very upset about her other patients
and just dont want to become one of her list of other patients. A month
or so ago she added another chair in her consulting room and since then I
have this feeling of a third person sitting in the room and many time I feel
like addressing this third person and not her.
of my split treatment with [my psychotherapist] and [my
psychiatrist] (I am on lithium because of bi-polar disorder) I mentioned
this to [my psychiatrist] which of course I know I should bring out
with [my psychotherapist] and could not help feeling like the child
running from one parent to the other.
told her that I the client felt so horrible and ungrateful because [my
psychotherapist] has always been there for me, phone calls, meetings,
etc., all of a sudden Ive built up this defense wall with all sorts
of negative feelings which are not even rational but are affecting me and
the therapy and I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY.
Your problem begins with the fact that youre not
running between two parents, youre running between two
may not sound politically correct, but always being there for you,
phone calls, and meetings are nurturing functions.
This is the role of a mother who takes care of your needs. In contrast, a
comes between the child and the motherto separate the child
from total emotional absorbtion in the motherand leads the child out
into the world so as to teach the child how the world functions culturally
and intellectually and how the child can function independently in the
therefore, involves both mothering and fathering. Weve already
seen what the mothering function is. So what is the fathering function of
psychotherapy? Well, its the ability to recognize the third
person in the consulting room. Its the ability to recognize that
identity is the
product of external, arbitrary, social constructs. Its the ability
to work therapeutically with the
And you encounter
the unconscious in psychotherapy when you are forced to admit, I
dont understand. Call it the moment of truth.
So what is the
truth you are being called to encounter now? Well, after three years of a
very good relationship with your psychotherapist, you now have to encounter
the ugly, dark side of all relationships. You have to recognize that intense
negative feelings, such as hurt and
anger and resentment,
exist in you right beside the good feelings. These negative feelings arent
just unique to you, but they are in everyone; in fact, theyre a large
part of human psychology. So it is necessary to take responsibility for managing
these feelings consciously, rather than letting them smoulder in the depths
of the unconscious.
Of course you
dont like feeling horrible and ungratefulafter all, who
does?but that is exactly where the next phase of your treatment is
going, if it is to go anywhere productive. In short, you have to experience
of love. You have to realize how much you hate your
psychotherapist, even though it doesnt seem rational. You hate her
in just the same way you hated your mother yet couldnt express
The best thing
you can do, then, is to start speaking about all this in your psychotherapy,
in the presence of that dreaded third person. Through the guidance
of your psychotherapist, tell her what your difficulties are and begin learning
to express all that hurt and anger about
unfulfilled needs from the past, when you were just another needy child on
your mothers list. Otherwise, you will spend the rest of your life
running from the truth, and going nowhere.
advertisingno sponsorjust the simple truth . . .