I’m
a [mid thirties] woman seeing a [early fifties] psychiatrist
and I was just wondering if it means anything if he gets [sexually aroused]
during a session. We were talking about my sexual relations with my boyfriend
and I looked over and saw, very clearly, that he had [become aroused].
I didn’t want him to know I saw so I looked away toward the windows
in the office. But it was night time, so I could see his reflection in the
window, and I saw him glance down at his groin area really quickly. I looked
at the floor and acted like I didn’t see it, but when I looked up at
him he was beet red and said, “I hope you don’t think I get some
kind of voyeuristic gratification out of talking about this.” I said,
“No, I don’t believe that at all.” And he said, “Good.
Because I don’t.” With the blushing and everything, he seemed like
he was being earnest and genuine. The thing is, I’m female and I genuinely
don’t know what kinds of things make a man [become aroused] out
of the blue like that. I’ve heard it sometimes just happens when they
aren’t even thinking sexual thoughts at all, but I have no clue. He
seemed very embarrassed, so I’m thinking that’s what happened,
but I don’t know.
Is this something that is a common occurrence in therapy that I shouldn’t
concern myself with? Do you think I should tell him that I saw it and discuss
it with him, or do you think the statement he made means he knows I saw it
and we should just let it go?
If a psychotherapist were to become sexually aroused while
listening to a client tell about the trauma of sexual abuse as a child, for
example, it would be a clear sign of a
perversion within
the psychotherapist. In your case, however, you were deliberately speaking
about sexually arousing behavior with your boyfriend. That your psychotherapist
became aroused in turn points to the conclusion that you were
unconsciously trying
to arouse him.
The proof of
this interpretation can be found in the
lies you both
told each other.
You said, “No, I
don’t believe that at all.” Well, that’s a lie, because your staring at his
reflection in the window showed you quite clearly that you did believe he was
getting some kind of voyeuristic gratification from listening to you speak about
your sexual pleasure.
And when he said,
“Good. Because I don’t,” he wasn’t being earnest and genuine; he was lying,
and his blushing betrayed his lie.
All in all, what
occurred was a mutual lie, and a mutual lie is the essence of
seduction.
That is, seduction is subtle game being played while pretending that a game
isn’t being played.
So, what can you do?
If you want to get to the core of the unconscious conflicts that brought you into
psychotherapy in the first place, you have to speak about this desire to seduce an
older man and all the while claim that you don’t know what you are doing. Your
psychotherapist, on the other hand, having shown himself a liar, may be “up” for
mutual seduction, but whether he is psychoanalytically up to doing the real work of
psychotherapy is another matter. It will be up to you, then, to be earnest and
genuine in pursuing real psychotherapy rather than playing a game of lies.
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