My
psychotherapist was late 10 minutes the last session. Is that right? I was
late before 10 minutes (two times)—does it have any association? I feel
so bad, should I tell her?
Let me preface my answer with a description of similar,
but different problem. It’s almost an unwritten law of psychotherapy
that when a psychotherapist cancels a session with short notice, the
client will somehow miss the next session. That “missed” session
won’t necessarily be deliberate, either; maybe a business meeting will
just happen to be scheduled, or relatives will just happen to come for a
visit, or a cold or flu will just happen to keep the client in bed that day.
The unconscious has
a remarkably convoluted way of expressing itself because, at the deepest
psychodynamic level, that missed session is a quiet form of
revenge for having
been “abandoned.” In competent psychotherapy, these sorts of things
must be discussed openly if any real progress is to occur through the
treatment.
Now, in your
case, you have the reverse of this process in the context of a late session,
not a cancelled session. You were late for two sessions, and in the next
session thereafter your psychotherapist was late.
Well, it could
be just a coincidence.
But, unfortunately,
when dealing with the unconscious, nothing in psychology is just a
coincidence.
Therefore, that leaves
us with a chilling thought: in being late herself, your psychotherapist reacted
unconsciously to your “abandoning” her when you were late in the
previous sessions. I feel sorry for any clients who have psychotherapists
who are blind to their own unconscious behavior. So, yes, you should tell
her—not about your feeling bad, but about her behavior. If she gets
defensive, or just brushes off her being late as “nothing,” then
you might question her competence as a psychotherapist.
By the way, if
a psychotherapist is ever late for a session, the
missed time should be made up at the end of the session—or the session
fee should be adjusted for the missed time.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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