Although
I like my psychotherapist and he usually provides me with key insights, I
am somewhat intimidated/frightened of him. I also wish he listened more,
but find it difficult to get that through to him because he often dismisses
my objections/concerns about his conclusions as just being “part of
my syndrome and my wanting to retreat back to my safe place.” Because
of this (and sometimes he can be sort of cold/abrasive), I find myself closing
off from him and really retreating back into myself. So my question is, is
it time to find another psychotherapist or am I just experiencing feelings
that are part of the therapeutic process? I had a psychotherapist before
who was really more mild and seemed gentler, but I didn’t like him because
he seemed afraid or incapable of getting at the more painful
issues.
If psychotherapy is to get at the more painful issues,
it must of necessity pay close attention to the
unconscious.
Unfortunately, the unconscious is not accessible to rational logic. So when
a competent psychotherapist, well-trained in
psychodynamic
psychotherapy, makes interpretations about a client’s unconscious
behavior, it may not make sense to the client.
In all of this,
however, the client should not be expected to just sit back and accept everything
uncritically. Why? Because psychotherapy is not a matter of brainwashing;
it’s really a cooperative, interactive process between the client and
the psychotherapist.
This means that
you have an obligation to ask questions. When something doesn’t make
sense, speak about it. “Speaking about it” means to discuss openly
your problems in understanding the psychotherapeutic
interpretations.
Now, at this
point we have to consider what you mean when you say, rather ambiguously,
that you “find it difficult to get that through to him because he often
dismisses my objections/concerns about his conclusions as just being ‘part
of my syndrome and my wanting to retreat back to my safe
place.’”
It could be that
in raising your “objections” you are simply arguing with him. An
interpretation may not make sense, and it may even feel like it has missed
the point about your feelings. But if you become argumentative, you
miss the point.
On the other
hand, maybe you do speak up appropriately to express your “concerns,”
and your psychotherapist dismisses your confusion, rather than work with
you to teach and explain things. And maybe when he dismisses your confusion
you feel intimidated, and you retreat back into yourself, just as you did
when your parents, for example, missed the point about your feelings. But
in retreating, you miss the point.
So, do you need
to find a new psychotherapist? Well, it all depends. There are three
possibilities:
1. |
If you speak
up politely and without arguing and ask for clarification, and your
psychotherapist works with you to teach and explain things, then you know
that he understands his job, and all is well. |
2. |
If you become
argumentative or if you retreat “back to my safe place” as a defense
in the first place—then you are missing the point about
psychotherapy. |
3. |
If you speak
up politely about your confusion and it feels like he discounts you, and
you don’t retreat into yourself, and you persist in asking for
clarification, and still he doesn’t listen to you, then he is
missing the point about psychotherapy. |
Do you see? It
all depends on how you both behave. When either person fails to cooperate,
the whole process fails.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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