What
do I do about a psychotherapist who passed me on to another psychotherapist
because he believed he didn’t have the experience to help me (after seven
months together) and yet continues to contact me? It’s been three years,
and he still calls. I had contacted his supervisor for help and he not only
didn’t follow the instructions we were both given, he has since quit
that practice and has continued to call. My spouse refuses to unlist and change
our phone number, and I have been told by my current psychotherapist
to screen my calls. I hate where I am in all of this, and I am torn between
hate for what my first psychotherapist is doing and a feeling of really
being cared for. Now he is constantly on my mind. What is going on, and what
sort of responsible action do I need take to move beyond all of this? This
is taking up so much of my time and I have allowed it to keep me from focusing
on the work I have to do to grow myself up.
Congratulations for understanding that this matter requires
responsible action on your part. After all, one of the benefits of
psychotherapy
is learning that no matter what happens to you, you cannot
control the behavior
of someone else and that you and you alone have the responsibility
to manage what is happening. Even your husband has recognized this, for by
refusing to change your telephone number he leaves you to manage the problem
yourself.
In a matter such
as this (when the psychotherapist has a supervisor), the appropriate first
step would be to do just what you did do: contact his supervisor.
If his behavior
continues, the next step would be to warn him directly that if he doesn’t
stop calling you, you will report him to his
licensing
board.
If his behaviour
continues after your warning, the third step would be to tell him that he
has just crossed a line, that you will report him to his licensing board,
and that you refuse to talk to him. Keeping in mind that you will be feeling
violated and angry,
refuse to act with hatred and hang up politely. Then report him to his licensing
board.
If his behaviour
continues after your reporting him, the fourth step would be to report him
to the police and let them take it from there.
Finally, regardless
of how many of the steps you have to negotiate, use your current psychotherapy
to process both the
negative thoughts and
feelings and the positive thoughts and feelings
you have. Moreover, take comfort, because the effort you put into this annoying
matter is actually helping you to “grow yourself up.”
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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