I have
been seeing my therapist for almost three years. It has been a slow, yet
progressing process. I am not AS anxious or depressed as much as when I began
with her. Yet, I credit myself with much of my success. My hanging on, seeking
proper support, reading and truly working towards living life and then a
better life, are components of my progression as well. Although my therapist
and I have a bond, I have doubted our current progress a few times over the
past four months. Her psychodynamic approach is not improving my anxieties
and I don’t call her when I am in a bind or desperate anymore. I seem
to have become more religious over the past three years too and phone my
clergy mentors in lieu of her. I took an inspiring trip two weeks ago and
came back stronger and “ready to leave” my therapist—and find
someone who specializes in cognitive work. I told her and she said I’m
free to go, but that this could be part of the process. In her office I break
down and don’t like myself. I think this is a sign that I should try
someone else. Is that a smart idea? Am I making a mistake?
You will know that you have a fairly good psychotherapist
when you mention
termination and
the psychotherapist says something like, “Well, I can’t tell you
what to do, one way or the other. If you feel ready to try it on your own,
then you have my blessing. See what happens. You may find that you have more
confidence than you realize. And if for any reason you want to come back,
you’re always welcome.”
On the other
hand, if your psychotherapist says something like, “That’s ridiculous.
You know you will fall flat on your face!” then you know you have a
“bad therapist” who is giving you a big dose of
negative hypnosis
to set you up to fail.
As you describe
it, your psychotherapist seems to be quite supportive.
Actually, the
whole point of psychotherapy is to teach you the skills necessary to function
honestly in life
without a psychotherapist. There’s no way to put a time limit
on this process, however. For some persons, three years can be more than
adequate. Other persons may need more time.
I say this because
I can’t tell, just from what you have written, whether you have reached
a natural termination point, or whether you are
running from some
deep issue still to be resolved.
Now, if you were
to leave a message on your psychotherapist’s voice mail, 25 hours before
your next session, and say, “I’m cancelling my appointment for
tomorrow, and I have decided to seek some other form of treatment,”
that would be a big mistake.
So, considering
that you seem to have a competent psychotherapist, it would be a smart
idea to spend some time talking with her about terminating. This sort
of honest discussion will help you discover whether or not something still
unresolved remains to be treated. If, however, you don’t find anything
to prevent you from leaving, then you can depart the treatment with a clean
heart, to face the rest of your life.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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