After
years of ongoing issues with our relationship, my wife started therapy about
six months ago. She was really pushing me to start seeing her
psychotherapist as well, to deal with my personal issues (which she believes
is the root of our problems) After about 5-6 sessions into to her therapy,
I began to accompany her for a few couples sessions. I then called to set
up ongoing individual sessions. He told me that he didn’t feel comfortable
seeing me because he didn’t think he could be impartial. He encouraged
me to start seeing his wife (also a psychotherapist) instead. He explained
that each person needs to feel as though he or she has someone “in his
corner.” I understood that, but thought that he should be professional
enough to avoid becoming impartial. . . . My overall concern
about this issue was how he could effectively counsel a couple without seeing
and understanding both people. He assured me that he and his wife would compare
notes, but it’s hard for me to trust in that process. I also thought
about how common it is for couples and families to share the same therapist.
To make this more stressful, I now felt trapped into having to see his wife,
who may or may not be the right therapist for me. Then what? Would I have
to see someone else, and would they then be expected to visit with my wifes
therapist to compare notes?! It just didn’t seem to make sense. Since
then, I’ve had about 10 sessions with his wife, and am at the point
where I don’t feel as though she’s right for me. Even is she was,
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with having to pay double ($290 per hour)to
see her and her husband, when other couples are paying for one therapist.
I’m stuck and am not sure where to go with this. I would like to be
able to find another therapist, but am not sure how to best handle the couples
counseling.
In answer to one previous
question, I say that the function of marriage counseling is to create
a safe and respected environment in which the husband and wife can communicate
with each other without hostility. If, after understanding the needs and
desires of the other, one person refuses to accommodate the other, then
individual psychotherapy can be prescribed, so as to uncover and heal the
cause of the resistance to fair and charitable
cooperation.
Similarly,
in answer to another question, I say that sometimes,
when a husband and wife are being seen in marriage counseling, the counselor
may occasionally arrange to see one or both individuals in individual sessions.
Usually, to avoid clinical disaster, these individual sessions are conducted
under the rule that there will be no secrets, and that anything spoken in
the individual sessions must be brought into the joint counseling. If either
person has the sort of psychological problems that would warrant individual
psychotherapy under strictly
confidential
conditions, the individual(s) should be referred to a separate psychotherapist,
someone who has no connection to the marriage counseling.
Now, in your
case, your wife began her own individual psychotherapy, you joined her for
some sessions of marriage counseling, and then you requested your own individual
psychotherapy. Ultimately, then, you were asking for three forms of
treatment, not two: your wife’s individual psychotherapy, marriage
counseling, and your own individual psychotherapy.
In all of this,
though, the concern should not be about impartiality because marriage
counseling must be a cooperative process, not an adversarial process. The
real concern must be for
confidentiality,
in any treatment modality.
• |
If one
psychotherapist were to see you and your wife individually in addition to
seeing you both as a couple, steps would have to be taken to make sure that
“secrets” emerging from the individual psychotherapy would not obstruct the
couples sessions. But because everything must come out into the open in the
couples counseling, there would have to be an open agreement here about a
waiver of confidentiality regarding information obtained in individual sessions.
If either you or your wife did not feel comfortable with this, then both of you
should be seeing a couples counselor who has no connection whatsoever to any of
the individual psychotherapy either of you are doing. |
• |
If one psychotherapist
were to see both you and your wife, each in individual psychotherapy, information
obtained from you in your sessions could not be revealed to your wife without your
written permission, and information obtained from your wife in her sessions could
not be revealed to you without her written permission. |
• |
If you and your wife
were each in individual psychotherapy with separate psychotherapists, but were not
seeing a couples counselor, none of those psychotherapists could communicate with each
other about you or your wife without written permission from both you and your
wife. |
• |
If you and your wife
were each in individual psychotherapy with separate psychotherapists, but were
also seeing a couples counselor who was not one of the individual psychotherapists,
none of those psychotherapists could communicate with each other about you or your
wife without written permission from both you and your wife. |
Now, in your case, your
wife’s psychotherapist chose not to see you in individual psychotherapy and to refer
you for individual psychotherapy to someone else. By referring you to his wife,
however, he opened the possibility of a breach of your confidentiality. That is, if
he and his wife “compare notes”—even casually—without your written authorization, they
will make an ethical violation that, with your formal complaint to their licensing
boards, could cause them to lose their licenses. Thus your wife’s psychotherapist making
a referral for you to his wife is a bad idea.
As for any referral itself,
no client is bound to accept treatment from anyone referred by a psychotherapist. A
referral should be considered an option to consider, not a requirement.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
 |
|
|
|
If
this website has helped you, then