I have
been in psychotherapy for eight months after a gap of about eight years.
I seem to be moving on so much quicker this time and with a real determination
to use the therapeutic process honestly. I recently became aware of my sexual
feelings for my therapist, and before discussing this with him, decided to
explore the issue myself. Consequently this caused a huge shift in me and
I had what I guess may be called a “breakthrough crisis,” all very
painful but so amazingly insightful. What I don’t fully understand now,
is why my sexual feelings for him have not abated. I know my need for him
is based on my unfulfilled infant needs, but how does the process of transference
resolve?
Look at it like this. As a child, you couldn’t talk
to your parents about your needs they didn’t fulfill. That’s obvious,
because that’s why you’re in paychotherapy. So, what do you do
now as an adult who is learning to recognize and feel all the frustration
about unfulfilled needs? Well, it’s necessary to talk to your
psychotherapist, and, as odd as it sounds, it’s especially necessary
to talk to him about needs he can’t fulfill either. But, unlike with
your parents, with whom you couldn’t talk about your feelings, when
you do talk to your psychotherapist, even though your needs don’t
get fulfilled, you encounter all your painful emotions about your
needs not being fulfilled.
Understanding
this, you can then see that all those erotic
feelings you have are the “natural” way to avoid dealing
with your painful emotions by pretending the needs are fulfilled.
So, in the end, these sexual feelings don’t do anything for you except
keep you stuck in
unconscious
frustration.
Now, you seem
to have discovered this fact on your own, without saying a thing about it
to your psychotherapist.
But even if you
have discovered this fact intellectually, the mere
knowledge of it
doesn’t resolve the unconscious desire. Only by speaking about
your feelings and desires within the psychotherapy will you be able to face
your deepest pain
honestly and let
the light and air get to your unconscious frustration, so that it can
heal.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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