I recently
decided I needed to make some changes in my life and I was not sure where
to begin. I was very depressed and worry seemed to control my life so one
day when I was crying for some reason I was not even sure about, I called
my insurance company and told them I needed help. This was a huge step for
me because up until that day I was afraid if I admitted I needed counseling
others may think I crazy. The insurance company referred me to a
counselor. . . . My first trip to the counselor my husband
went with me and at that time the counselor told him that he did not have
to come to the other sessions that he would never be alone with me. I found
this a little strange. He did say though that if I wanted him there it was
fine. The second session I explained that I have this uncontrollable urge
to wash my hands a lot and that my hands are raw and often crack and bleed
because of the excessive washing. His response was “This may sound a
little too personal but do you masturbate a lot?” He said that sometimes
they are related. I had never heard this before and it seemed a little strange
to me. My third and last session was very emotional and I revealed very personal
things, at the end of the session the counselor asked if I needed a hug and
extended his arms out to me. I was very uncomfortable but I did not want
to be rude so I said yes and we hugged. Now I am so confused about the whole
thing. I called and cancelled my sessions for the next few weeks. Is this
a normal part of psychotherapy? Why am I not sure now if I want to even try
going back?
Most likely, you’re not sure about going back because
you realize you have met a wolf in counselor’s
clothing.
Your experience
illustrates two points about psychotherapy. First, as I say in answer to
other questions (see Transference Issues #2,
#10, and #12), hugs are
not a legitimate part of the psychotherapy process, and, when initiated by
a psychotherapist, a hug or a request for a hug should be taken as a warning
sign of impending sexual abuse. You seem to have properly intuited this fact,
and that’s why you cancelled further sessions with this so-called
“counselor.”
Second, the best
way to choose a psychotherapist is to spend the time—and
money—necessary to
interview several
candidates. This way you can assess your emotional reactions to the interpersonal
styles of several psychotherapists, and you can choose the person with whom
you feel most comfortable. Unfortunately, the
managed care system
can make you feel pressured to accept any referral you’re given. If
you understand your
rights as a consumer,
however, you can insist on several referrals, and you can eliminate any one
for any reason, even if the reason is only an intuitive reaction to one
meeting.
So I recommend
that you listen to your intuition—the very intuition that told you to
seek treatment in the first place—and find a new, competent psychotherapist
to get the help you need.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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