24 years
ago. . . . I sought a psychologist for
help. . . . When I began to feel more “special,”
I developed an awful crushing erotic transference for the therapist, who
at nearly 60 was exactly the age of my mother. I am sure he knew it, he once
remarked that he was suffering from “transference in the opposite,”
which terrified me so I just pretended he hadn’t said that. He did come
by my new business to see me a few times, we went out for coffee from there
a few times, but nothing more sexual than hugs occurred. . . .
Finally we terminated my therapy, and although I did not see him again, and
he’s died quite some time ago, hardly a day has passed that I don’t
think of him. I’m weary of this obsession of him. . . .
I won’t ask, “When will this go away?” ... I will ask, “What
can I do to be rid of this?”
The sad truth of the matter is found in your words
“which terrified me so I just pretended he hadn’t said
that.” You pretended not to see the truth at the very point when
you knew that he had botched the treatment. And now, 24 years later, you
still suffer from the fact that instead of interpreting and dissolving the
transference this so-called “therapist” acted
it out.
This all proves
a point that I make throughout this website, and yet it’s a point that
many persons in contemporary society pretend not to notice: that
eroticism is the cause of a multitude
of mental health problems, and that it cures none of them.
So what can you
do? Well, as I also say throughout this website, real psychotherapy does
not “get rid
of” anything. The work of real psychotherapy is to interpret and
dissolve the symptoms.
Therefore, your
hope now is to face up to the fact of a botched treatment. Recognize how this
man essentially crippled you emotionally and then feel the pain of it
all—the frustration, the indignity, the sorrow, the loss. And then, when
you have felt it all and brought your secret unconscious
anger to the surface,
you can take the last step:
forgive him (that is,
let go of your secret desire for blame and revenge) and take personal responsibility
for making the rest of your life as meaningful as possible. But you can’t
forgive him or make the rest of your life as meaningful as possible if you pretend
that he didn’t make a grave blunder. Why? Well, as long as you continue to
pretend “he hadn’t said that” the meaning of your life will
be nothing more than the obsession with keeping a pretense alive.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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If
this website has helped you, then