If your
sexual identity is all wrapped up in masochistic fantasies, does that mean
that even working through issues of abuse, that that will always be there?
I just wondered if, in your experience, that is the case. I have voiced these
feelings to my therapist, but she declined to answer. I am deeply ashamed
of these tendencies and couldn’t bear it if it was always
there.
It’s a huge blunder that your psychotherapist would
not answer such an important question.
The fact is that masochistic sexual
tendencies are usually a psychological defense against childhood emotional
pain. It’s an odd thing, but it tends to derive from the concept that
people who are afraid of bad things happening to them often
make bad things happen to them so they can feel in control of when
and how the bad things happen. This solution does nothing to actually help
you heal those old wounds; it only covers them over so you can pretend they
don’t exist. But if you learn to understand—and heal—your pain
in psychotherapy, then, your
masochism
will dissipate. That is, when you can face life
directly and
honestly, you
won’t need illusions about
sexuality to
shield you from life’s
harsh
reality.
Granted,
I’m not being “politically correct” here, but the
unconscious cares
only for truth, not political correctness. If we don’t admit to the
pain and trauma
of our lives, then it will fester as a subversive unconscious influence on
us, and it will leak out in fantasies, no
matter how much we might be pressured by others to claim that such fantasies
are “normal.”
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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