I’m
30 years old and have been seeing a psychotherapist for a little over a year
2x a week for PTSD, Panic Attacks, etc. In the last four months I have no
longer suffered any of the symptoms of PTSD nor have I experienced any panic
attacks. I desperately needed a psychotherapist previously to take the healing
journey (with me) recovering from the effects of abandonment, child-abuse,
teenage rape and violence.
My anger has dissolved into compassion, self-hatred into love, my life has
changed hugely, and I feel immensely happy within my deepest sense of self
that’s not dependent on anything or anyone—I’m so very grateful
to my psychotherapist for taking this journey with me—she’s been
amazing, supportive and perfect; however, I feel that I no longer need a
psychotherapist, and I believe that I’m ready to move on. I have discussed
my feelings (over a few weeks) with my psychotherapist about wanting to end
our therapeutic relationship, but it would appear that she believes I’m
not ready. She has mentioned that the feelings she’s experiencing about
loss (of our therapeutic relationship) is indeed a transference of the
“loss” that I’m denying. I respect her deeply; however, I
feel that this is incorrect (and have mentioned this to her). I feel I will
miss her as a psychotherapist but no longer feel I “need” a
psychotherapist.
My question is: When is it OK to move on? I would not like to leave if I’m
missing something vital but all I have is my own sense of
intuition.
When your psychotherapy begins because of specific
symptoms, you
know that you have reached the end of your treatment when the symptoms have
resolved and you feel confident that you no longer need the guidance of your
psychotherapist. It’s that simple.
Now, some persons
might want to continue in psychotherapy for the sake of self-growth, even
after their initial symptoms have been resolved. There’s nothing wrong
with that, if it’s your choice. From what you say, this is not your
choice, and that’s not a problem.
Your current
problem, therefore, is with your psychotherapist. She seems to be confusing
two distinct psychotherapeutic concepts: a psychotherapist’s personal
feelings in response to the moment, and
countertransference.
That is, if your psychotherapist were to feel distracted in the moment, her
personal feelings could be an indication that you are distracted and are avoiding
an issue. Your psychotherapist could then mention this as a way to deepen
the therapeutic work. But if your psychotherapist were to have a personal,
emotional response to the treatment in general, that would be
countertransference, and it should be dealt with privately by the
psychotherapist.
In your case,
the feelings of loss your psychotherapist describes are a matter of
countertransference, and so managing this experience is her responsibility,
not yours. So feel comfortable to move on. It would be nice to have your
psychotherapist’s blessing, but, since she is not really capable of
giving it to you, move on anyway.
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